Muchas palabras nadando en mi cabeza!!

Translation ... Many words are swimming in my head

I walk down the cobblestone streets trying not to cry. I have just made my second trip from the school to the lab where I have to go to get test results for Dick. He has not been feeling well for a few days and is not getting better so we are checking to see if he has an amoeba or bacteria or some other such foreign substance swimming around in his body. I picked up the test results, having no idea what to do with them. No explanation was offered and even if there had been, I probably wouldn't have understood it. I then walked back toward the school to "La Bodegona," a large variety store where I know there is a pharmacy. I show the slip they gave me at the lab to the pharmacist and she fires a response at me. I can't even pick one word out of her response that I understand. After trying to explain to her that I only speak a little Spanish she slows down and obviously tries to simplify her response. It is finally clear to me that I do not have what I need to get medicine and that I will have to return to the lab with Dick so he can see the doctor and get a prescription. So, I walk back down the cobblestone street toward "home" empty-handed. I know Dick feels lousy and I so wanted to be able to bring something back to him to help him. And I also wanted to be able to succeed at something ... anything. But I am finding that lately, the learning curve is huge!

I am tired of feeling like an idiot and looking foolish. I stand out like a sore thumb with my gringo accent, my unstructured sentences, my American clothes and my "Earth Shoes" - they are a bit on the ugly side but so comfortable and helpful on the uneven streets (how the Guatemalan woman walk these streets in heels I will never know). Every weekday, I sit with my tutor for 4 hours and we practice what feels like the same thing over and over again. And I feel like I am making the same mistakes over and over again. My tongue trips over letter and word combinations and I just don't seem to be able to put the right endings on words. I use an "a" when it should be "o" and "as" when it should be "ar" and so forth. Most days I am able to laugh at myself. Everyone keeps telling me it will get better and I cling to that hope.

Along the lines of hope - the strangest thing is happening to me. As I think and as I speak in English, I am hearing bits and snatches of Spanish words and phrases in my head. It's a little strange. Kind of like when you start to drive out of the range of a radio station and you are hearing two songs at one time. I feel a bit crazy but I guess this is part of the process. Those of you who have learned a second language hopefully understand what I am saying (or else I really AM going crazy). It's like my translator button is stuck in the "on" position and I can't turn it off. Even as I type this, I am fighting the urge to type certain words in Español! The silver lining in this is that I think this may be proof that I am actually learning! I can honestly say that I know more today then I knew last Monday.

Just to let you know, the day did turn out okay, after lunch Dick and I walked back to the lab and he was able to see the doctor, get his prescriptions and is now resting comfortably. He should be good to go by tomorrow.

Thanks for listening to me ramble and be thankful that I didn't include the "Spanish static!" Off to study "mas Español."